• Marissa

Broken to wholeness

"Before God could bring me to this place, he had to break me a thousand times."

Many of us are torn into pieces and we feel useless, unwanted, depressed, and stressed out. I was broken for many years and I am still trying to heal from my past. I remember going to watch the movie,"Split". The main character wanted to hurt people that he thought was perfect and never been through anything. At the end, he didn't kill the last girl because he seen that she was a (cuter) she cut herself. He realized that she wasn't prefect that she was hurt and going through things just like him. I remember what he said at the end. He looked at her scares and said, "The broken will evolve." Those words stood out to me up to this day. That was me a broken woman who felt like her past had tore her apart so much that she would never be whole again.

So many people made me feel like I wouldn't be nothing . They believed I would not and could not do anything because I had four kids. As I grew in Christ, I became more aware of who I am and whose I am. I refused to settle with thinking I would be just someone's baby's mom-ma. I knew what God had called me to be. But, in the beginning I didn't believe it. I allowed other people to define me instead of knowing who I was in Christ. We let people define who we are because we can't visualize what God sees. Sometimes we are in such a bad place we don't see how we can make it out. I dealt with anxiety for a very long time. I was so depressed and unhappy, I could not see my future. I was 21 with two kids and had no clue what I was going to do with my life. I had been used, abused, and so much more! I remember always having anxiety attacks to the point that I would have to go to the hospital. I had so much going on in my life and I didn't know how to deal with it all. I would question God all the time, "Why am I going through this?" I knew God had so much more for me, but I didn't believe it. I felt like I disappointed my mom, knowing she deserved a better daughter.

We have a problem with looking at where we are and thinking this is it. But I have learned, If you don't go through the processes of life, you won't grow. We never trust the process to go through whatever God needs us to go through to get to our next. When I was broken my trust wasn't with God. I was trying to figure out everything by myself. In time, I realized you can not do anything without God! I remained at my lowest because I wouldn't simply trust God. I remember one Sunday my Bishop came to my church and he spoke a sermon on "Broken Crayons Still Color!" No matter what you been through, no matter what your life looks like, no matter how broken you are, you can still be used by God!

Nobody wants to listen to anyone who hasn't been through anything, or who hasn't done anything in their life, but go to church. Know that God uses the people who have been through depression, rape, anxiety, suicidal thoughts etc. and he delivers them from these things so that they can talk and testify to other people that are going through the same situation. If God delivered them, He can do it for you! I know that I have been through half the things that I have been through because God knew I was strong enough to go through it. Secondly, I would be able to help other people get through what I already overcame.

Broken doesn't mean the end, you must be broken in order for God to use you. I've been broken so many times and every single time I came out stronger than before! The broken must evolve because God needs the broken, that is how he gets His glory. You ask how? Because every time I came out of something, I was thanking God. He got all the glory every single time. The reason brokenness is so beautiful is because God can use it in our lives to grow us and raise us up to a high spiritual level and expectation of life. It draws us closer to Him.

True brokenness is a tool that God uses to bring his lost children back into his loving arms. To everyone who looked down on me for having 4 kids, or for having a horrible past, I just smile at them today because everything I went through evolved me into the amazing woman I am today! That's why I always believe that the broken will evolve into becoming whole again. Today, I stand whole and proud of who I am and I'm not ashamed of my past! Why? because that is exactly what it is my PAST. I went through it all, I had to go through it in order for me to be who I am today!

God Promises to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life



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