God Found Me
Updated: Sep 24, 2019
When I didn't even know I was lost
I will never forget the day I actually heard God speak to me. It is engraved in my spirit and the sound of His voice, I will hold in my heart for eternity. I remember the year. It was 2006. Every Sunday, my mother would ask me to go to church. Crazy me, I would always tell her no! I was raised in the church, so I knew who God was, at least I thought I did. I loved him and I believed in his existence. I thought long as my mother went to church, I was covered. It is amazing how the enemy gets in your mind and will make you justify not having your own relationship with God. Partying and having a good time was all I wanted to do! It was a day I will always remember. I was out dancing at a nightclub. I had way too many drinks, the music was loud and the lights were flashing bright in my eyes. I was in a whole different world, spiraling down to the very pit of hell!
When God spoke to Elijah on Mount Horeb, He could have spoke by earthquake, wind or fire but, God spoke with a " STILL SMALL VOICE." (1 Kings 19:12)
I was out with a guy that I was dating and I remember right before I left to go out that night, my mom asked me if I would go to church with her in the morning and I told her no. Going to church was the last thing on my mind. But, God had a plan! The whole night was crazy. All I could hear was someone talking to me saying, " You need to go home because your going to church in the morning." Somewhat confused, I ignored the voice and I kept drinking and dancing. The voice got louder and louder in my ear. Again saying, "Go home, your going to church in the morning." I looked at the time and it was already after 3 am, there was no way I was going to church! But the voice just kept playing in my ear over and over. By this time, I really thought it was all the drinks I had that night. But for some reason, I had a strange feeling deep in my spirit. I never experienced a feeling like it before! I heard, a small quiet voice say, "This is where the battle ends. Tomorrow you will be a NEW CREATION." Strange as it sounds, I knew it was God speaking to me. I finally stopped fighting and at 4 am. I asked my boyfriend to take me home.
Church started at 7:30 am because the church my mom belongs to, at that time, was sharing a church. I remember getting home and laying down. My eyes popped open at 6:30 am! I was so tried, and it was hard to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. So, I got up and got dressed. I told my mom I was going to church with her. She couldn't believe it. She was shocked, but not surprised. She had been praying for me for a long time. She simply said okay not once did she chastise me.
To this day, I can not tell you what my pastor talked about that Sunday morning. All I could remember was the praise dancer dancing. She was the only one dancing, her name was (Mrs. Betty) I was so magnetized by her worship of dance. She danced with such grace and beauty. All of a sudden, once again, God started speaking to me saying, "Your going to worship me through dance. Marissa, you will touch other young girls who are lost with your dancing". By this time, I really thought it was the hangover. LOL, because there was no way in the world I would be a praise dancer! But, the desire was so strong in my spirit, so I told my mother I want to join the dance ministry and she led me to her First Lady. Next thing I knew, I was talking to the First Lady about joining the dance ministry and two weeks later, I was dancing...
I always said and I truly believe, praise dancing saved my life, I believe God used praise dancing to get me to Him.
My night life didn't stop immediately after that day. I was still dealing with myself fighting between spirit and flesh. I didn't know how to be holy or how to do right by God. All I knew was drinking, smoking, partying, and being promiscuous. I thought by joining a church and by getting saved, all my troubles would go away. WRONG! As a matter of fact, I believe they got worse. The enemy loves to temp you when he knows your striving to do right. It took years, YEARS to quit my old ways and stop running and fighting and hiding from what God had called me to do and become. It took years to learn to trust Him and live my life to the point where nothing else mattered. It took years to get to the point where I no longer cared about the opinions of others, family members or friends. All I wanted was to know Him, to seek Him and live according to His will for my life. To this day, I am still a work in progress. I strive everyday to be the woman that God has called me to be. Am I perfect? No, but it is my hearts desire to become perfect. Months after I started praise dancing, over 10 or even more young ladies joined the dance ministry! Look at God! It is amazing how He used me to be a light to draw others...in the end He gets the GLORY!
It is true when they say God calls us. He doesn't only call the holy or those who think they are so righteous! God called me when I was at the lowest point in my life. Still to this day, it blows my mind that out of all the people in the world, God picked ME, God chose ME and he never let ME go! God knew if he didn't catch me when he did, no telling where I would be today! I am beyond thankful for his mercy and grace. When I thought nobody cared and nobody loved me, God showed me that he did. I just didn't know him to see it. God has really blessed me. He could have allowed me to keep playing and stay in my worldly ways but instead he saved my life. I will forever be eternally thankful. I do not take one thing that God has brought me out of or brought me through for granted.
My story is filled with broken pieces, terrible choices, and ugly truths. But, it's MY TESTIMONY! My story is also filled with MAJOR comebacks, DELIVERANCE, peace in my spirit, the wisdom of God and, HIS AMAZING GRACE that saved my life!