O The Drama!!!!
Updated: Aug 15, 2018
Having kids and not being in a relationship with your child's father can be real stressful. When I was younger, I use to be the baby momma with all the drama. Some women grow up and mature , but some never do. I learned over the years that when everyone gets along it makes everyone's life so much better! Three different men fathered my four boys and I have amazing relationships with two of the three. I was young 18 years old when I had Rico, my oldest and I was madly in love with his father. He was my first love! When the relationship ended, I was that bitter baby momma. I would ride by his house wanting to see who he was with, wanting to slashes his tires, cussing out every girl he ever dated. I was also this way with Marshaun and Kings father, just young spiteful ,careless and STUPID!
To be a good mother while my heart was breaking was one of the most hardest roles I've ever had to play.
When a women is with a man, we give our all in the relationship. We eat, sleep and breathe that man; especially, if were in love with him. Having kids with that man just makes the situation worse. If things don't work out , a lot of woman want to use the kids to hurt the guy. (I have never done this) But, I know a lot of women that do. It doesn't make anything better and at the end of the day, your hurting the children. The man has moved on and we are still sitting around thinking of ways to hurt him because we are not happy with ourselves or we still have these strong feelings for him, a stronghold that hasn't been broken yet. We have in our minds and hearts that we want him back and your praying and wishing it would happen and when it doesn't, we become extremely bitter and vindictive because he has moved on.
We are bitter because we don't want to be lonely and seeing him with someone else kills us inside. Why? We're lonely and he's not! We also struggle with feeling that the person who doesn’t deserve to be in a new relationship, in this case our children's father, has been rewarded with a new relationship while we, who deserves someone, has nothing. Even if we do not have any feelings for him at all, knowing that we have been officially 'replaced' triggers all kinds of emotions. It is also possible that we may be feeling like we have been cheated because we believe that the new woman is getting what we always wanted but never got from the child's father.
The question is, how do you deal with it?
I overcame my bitter by turning it over to God. It took a lot of prayer and a lot of growing. I finally came to the realization that I was destroying myself and my kids, not their fathers. Hate and bitterness eats the person who is carrying it. As my pastor says, " bitterness and hate is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. " IT DESTROYS YOU not the person who you hate. Some women never overcome hate, it is a strong destructive emotion, but who wants to stay bitter and mad all the time? Your making your life way harder then what it has to be. Yes, he may have hurt you. Yes, he did you wrong. He cheated, he lied and the list may goes on etc. But, my question to you is,"How is keeping your children away from their father going to take your hurt and pain away?" The truth of the matter is, it doesn't. In fact, it cause more pain to you and your children. The bitterness and hate is something that you have to deal with within yourself. I never thought I would have a good relationship with my kids dads, never in my life, especially after everything I went through with them. But for our kids, we made it happen because at the end of the day nothing matters at all but their happiness. The key is most of the time, we have to put our feelings aside. Our emotions are not important when it comes to our child's happiness. I would NEVER take my boys away from their fathers. I don't have it in my heart. Their fathers are a part of them, just as I am a part of them. They have every right to be in their lives just like I do.
You cannot fight fire with fire. Have an adult conversation with each other. There should only be one common goal: You are both in your kids life, and as such you two need to present a united front. Acknowledge his existence and his contribution to the child’s well-being and upbringing. Children need to know that you are on the same team and that you are not trying to keep their fathers away because your bitterness. At some point, you have to give it to God let him heal you from your hurt an anger.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. -1 Corinthians 13:11 New King James Version